This Is A Parody
by ace-detective33
Summary: These are some random stories about the Persona 4 (And possibly 3) characters. No pairings, well, not for sure.
1. Chapter 1

AceDetective: Another new story! And it's ANOTHER parody! I'm starting a few new stories, so yeah... This chapter is more like a prologue, not a real chapter. So go ahead and read on!

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HOW TO READ THIS FANFIC

If you're reading this sentence then you pretty much got it. Good job, just keep going the way you are.

INTRODUCTION

Thank you for coming to the show. Before tonight's performance begins there are a few announcements, please pay attention:

Flash photography is not permitted at any time during the show. Also, there is no recording of any kind allowed during the show. This includes audio or video recording, as well as sketching, journaling, documenting, making mental notes, reminiscing, or remembering anything with your mind. Any recording devices that we find will be taken away from you, and juggled recklessly by the clown you see standing in the left exit.

Please do not mentally undress the performer. Also, do not mentally put silly outfits on the performer, or mentally touch any parts of the performer's clothes. Please mentally avoid the performers outfit altogether.

You are not permitted to lip-sync any portion of the show. If you do and we catch you, one or more of your lips will be removed from the building.

In the event of a fire, please use the fire exits, but not the one on the right wall. That one is just a supply closet with a sign that says "fire exit" over it. Do not open that door. They are explosives behind it.

If you happened to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream, or we will give you a reason to wave your arm around and scream about.

It is illegal to yell "fire" in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like: "flames" or "Smoke make" or "bad hot"

Please refrain from smoking during the show. Anyone that is caught smoking will be shot by our meat gun.

Fighting will not be tolerated at the theater at any time. If you have a problem with someone, please see one of our blow dart vendors.

If you talk during the show you will be asked to leave, and may be asked to talk 72 hours straight in our "chatter chamber"

If someone is making too much noise, do not say "Shhh," unless you want to be squirted with the hose.

Please keep the number of "whoos" to two or fewer per person. If you exceed this number (which our whoo counters will be watching) you will receive an electric shock of memorable force

Do not heckle the performer. Heckling is strictly prohibited. Making sounds that sound like "psstuhh" while judgmentally shaking your head is not permitted. If the performer dives of the stage, and you move out of the way, then you will be "dived" out of the building. Also, crowed surfing is prohibited, unless you have the body that most people in the crowed would like to fondle.

We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf at the performer the dwarf will be toss right back at you, but faster.

Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being extremely hilarious.

Please turn off all cell phones and pagers. So if you have a pager please return it to the 90's.

Goatees are not allowed in the theater under any circumstances. If you have a goatee than you need to see one of our speed barbers immediately. If you have a goatee and a ponytail, than you should leave now.

While it is not legally prohibited, we ask you do not call anyone "dawg" during the show. Also, please note that anyone named "L Train" will be rolled down the stairs.

If at any point a guard asks you to leave, please do not resist, however, if it is Earl please resist.

Please do not sit on you boyfriends shoulders during the show (women with perky breast can ignore this rule).

A man with trench coat may offer you a glow stick at some point during tonight performance, do not accept the glow stick unless you are ready to receive it right up your nose.

If you are choking, please stop it, it is prohibited.

There is a significant risk that you will be hit by a tambourine at some point during tonight's show. Also, the person seated in row G, seat 28 will be catapulted later into a small hammock that is hanging between the yarmulkes.

By entering this venue you consented to being filmed, recorded, taped, taped-up, watched, studied, or smelled. You also consented to having your image duplicated, stretched, plastered, mocked, mimicked, misrepresented, or printed on any promotional materials including, but not limited to, T-shirts, panties, silly aprons, propaganda posters, pasties, jockstraps, and commemorative yarmulkes.

If you happen to be standing near the confetti cannon, do not be afraid if you lose capability to see and/or hear for up to 6 months.

Finally please do not fall sleep during the show. If you yawn, a small marble or pebble may be carefully tossed into your mouth.

Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. If you don't then be prepare to suffer the consequences. On with the show.

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AceDetective: I told you this wasn't much of a real chapter. So, should I continue this or what? Also, if you want me to continue, please put the name of a character you would like me to do a chapter for. The character with the most votes gets a chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

AceDetective: Well, with only 2 reviewers, and me itching to write this story, I chose first come first serve, so... Kanji! Enjoy! I don't own P4 and it's characters.

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Hotline

Kanji

Operator: Hello. Awkward and Lonely In Public Hotline, April speaking.

Kanji: Hey there.

Operator: Checking your phone number now and bringing a file for confirmation. Here it is. Kanji, it looks like, "Hey there" is your activation greeting. Kanji, are you in at a public place, or social gathering feeling awkward or lonely right now?

Kanji: Yeah.

Operator: All right, if you're at a party say, "totally." If you're just out alone somewhere in public say "totally, bro"

Kanji: Totally

Operator: Okay, Kanji, I'm going to talk to you though this party. Just follow my instructions. If you're ready, just say, "All right," but let it ring out like you're responding to a buddy who just gave you some really good news.

Kanji: All riiight

Operator: Great. Now just nod and smile for 6, 5, 4, 3, 2… and go ahead and say "she call me twice today"

Kanji: Dude, she call me twice today

Operator: Great, nice touch with the "dude" now go ahead and laugh a little bit for me.

Kanji: Ha Ha Ha!

Operator: Careful, Kanji, that sounded a little forced. Let's see if we can get you to laugh more genuinely. I just need a moment to find some material here, let me buy us sometime while I look for it. Take a look at your watch, and give me and incredulous look "No way"

Kanji: No way

Operator: Great. Now, if you haven't been moving around, try to pace a bit or do a light kicking thing with your foot.

Kanji: …

Operator: Sherpes

Kanji: Ha ha ha!

Operator: There we go.

Kanji: Ha ha ha ha!

Operator: Okay, Kanji, you're laughing a little too much now. Try to calm down or else you're going to look more awkward than when we started.

Kanji: Ha ha ha

Operator: Kanji?

Kanji: Ha ha hee hee!

Operator: Okay, now you're going from awkward to unstable. Oh boy, I see in your file that you tend to laugh as a nervous response. Let me see if I can bring you down. Uh… All right. Here we go: I want you to think about how you couldn't satisfy Naoto and how you led her to sleep with Souji.

Kanji: …

Operator: Sorry, I had to do that. Kanji, are you okay?

Kanji: …

Operator: Kanji?

Kanji: ...

Operator: Kanji, I can hear you breathing. Are we cool?

Kanji: …

Operator: Okay, well, we're approaching to the end of the call. For a party situation we recommend the call be about this length, any longer and you'll just look lonelier. If you're conformable in returning to the party just say, "Okay, later buddy"

Kanji: No

Operator: Kanji, you have to get off the phone now.

Kanji: Dude, she call me twice today.

Operator: You're repeating yourself, Kanji. Stop panicking. Take a deep breath. You'll be fine. We have to end this call, so-

Kanji: Hey there!

Operator: I'm going to say good bye now, Kanji-

Kanji: Hey there! Hey there!

Operator: Kanji, put down the phone and get out of there. You need to leave the party immediately. Hold out your phone, and look at it like something is really wrong with it. And do not say "hey there" anymore.

Kanji: …

Operator: Kanji?

Kanji: All riiight.

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AceDetective: That was the official first chapter! I will do Souji for the next chapter unless we have more voters. Bye-bye!


	3. Chapter 3

AceDetective: All right everyone! This chapter is for Lunatic Lisa's choice of Souji. I don't own P4 or Aladdin. I only own myself and plot. OK, go on, read it!

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Genie

Souji

**To the current owner of this lamp:**

Greetings, please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Souji, I am a genie. First of all, congratulations! You are the owner of a magic lamp, and I am inside of it. Now, you may be wondering why I sent you this note. Well, over the years I have found that it's the best, and most efficient, way to start things off when a new person finds the lamp.

I'd like to take this opportunity to explain a little bit about the genie process and clear up any misconceptions you might have about it or about genies in general. I've presented this information below on the "Frequently Asked Questions" format that people in your era seem so fond of.

Please read everything carefully so that you will be prepare for our upcoming meeting.

**FAQ**

**How many wishes do I get? **

This is a good question, and it's one that I am frequently asked. The answer is: you get between 1 and 0 wishes. So, just to be clear, that means you don't get 3 wishes. The 3 wishes thing is a myth. I don't know who started it, but they were dead wrong. We never had, and we never will.

**What does "between 1 and 0 wishes" mean? **

What that means is that you get a maximum of 1 wish, and the grant of that wish is not guarantee or a mandate of any kind. It is merely a suggestion to the genie, which over the years, has become a standard practice. At the end of the day, though, is to me whether if I grant your wish or not. You need to realize that I am not some automatic wish-granting machine that was send here to mindlessly serve you. I have my own feelings, thoughts, moods, etc., just like everyone else. And by the way, don't think you can force me to grant your wish by building some sort of clause into the wish that requires me to grant it, your best bet is to be polite, considerate, and above all, respectful in making your wish. Remember, your wish has to not only work for you but for me as well.

**Can I wish for more wishes? **

No, you cannot, and you should be aware that the International Law of Magic empowers engines to annihilate any person who wishes for more wishes, after that person has been duly warned that it is prohibited. Consider this your warning.

**Am I your master? **

No, you are not, you definitely aren't, this is probably the number 1 misconception about the genie process, people really have a problem understanding this, so let me be perfectly clear: YOU ARE NOT MY MASTER. I'm not a servant, or a dog, or a slave, or whatever else you think is supposed to be here to cater to you, so, don't expect me to call you "Master" and don't talk to me like you are my master, and that includes using a master-ish to tone with me. You and I are associates. We could become friend, or enemies. It's up to you, it's really just like meeting a new person, except this one has magical powers, and super human senses, which I can use to help you, or seriously hurt you. So, just reiterate the answer, "No, you are not my master."

**Should I call you "genie"?**

No, don't do that, I hate it. It's rude, and I have name, it's Souji, learn it, use it, and pronounce it correctly.

**Can I wish for whatever I want?**

**Plausibility**- a wish must be plausible. I can't make something happen just because it's impossible. (if you wish to be the best dancer in the world you are asking for something that is very subjective and therefore not possible-and also very stupid, in my opinion.)

**Specific**-be as specific with your wish as you can, because as a genie, I am fully in my rights to interpret your wish. (if you wish to be able to fly, don't get surprise if you end up with plane tickets)

**Paradoxes**-I cannot grant a wish that will change human history. Those kinds of wishes require tearing the fabric of the Universe, which equals mountains of paperwork for me. So let's avoid that altogether.

**Love**-no genie can make anyone love anyone else. I can make someone really like you or become infatuated with you, but if I were you I'll think long and hard about this, because once I grant that wish I can't turn it off. Infatuation gets creepy pretty quickly, so be careful with this one.

**The Grace Period**-every wish carries with in a Grace period. The Grace Period enables the genie to take all the time he needs, so if it takes me 20 years to grant your wish you'll just have to be patient.

**Conservation of Wealth**-There is a basic law that governs wealth: Any money that is wished from has to be taken from someone else, usually from a bunch of families that are already quite poor, economies of developing countries, or both. Genies can't just print money. Doing that would cause inflation. So just know that if you are wishing for money you are screwing the lives of a lot of very needy people.

**The karma clause**- Anything bad that you wish for will be register with the karma commission. The subsequent effects of your wish will be paid back to you by the commission and usually when you least expected. So if you're thinking of wishing of anything that hurts anyone else, brace yourself. The karma commission doesn't play around.

**If I say "wish" by mistake does it count as my wish?**

This is a good question. The answer is yes. I suggest you don't use that word around me unless you really mean it. While my main occupation is a genie, one of my hobbies is studying linguistics, and I can tell you that I pay very much attention to the words and what they mean. If you say for example, "I wish I could think of something really good to wish for," then that is exactly what you will be granted- the ability to think of something really good to wish for. And that will be counted as your wish, Period. Sorry, but that's how it works.

**Should I rub the lamp?**

Only if you want to piss me off. Please try to remember that I live inside a lamp and I can feel anything that happens to it. The best way to summoned me is to send me a note. Your note should include at least three meeting options. I'll review my schedule and get back to you when I can. Rubbing the lamp will not make me respond sooner. What it will do is that I'll make it hotter inside, and make me more irritable, so don't do that. Also, don't put the lamp in your bag or leave it in your car. Do not leave it in the sun or near a window. And this is important, if you have a pet, KEEP THEM AWAY FROM THE LAMP! Cats love to bat the lamp around. That is hell for me. One time a guy let his cat play around with the lamp a while, and when I finally got out I did some crazy things to the guy and his fucking cat.

**Did you like the movie Aladdin?**

No, I did not. I can't tell you how many times I've been ask this question. That movie is childish and wildly irresponsible in the way it recklessly perpetuates genie stereotypes. I am not a cartoon or a clown or a ridiculous one-man show that's here to make some spoiled rich girl like you. And, unless you want to put me in a dangerous mood, I suggest you don't mention I dream of genie around me.

**What's that smell?**

I live in a lamp. A very small lamp. I do my best, but there is only so much that can be done.

**Can I wish for you to be set free?**

This is an excellent question. The answer is yes! You can very easily make this wish, and I am able to grant it, with no problem. This is probably the best thing you can wish for, in y opinion. If you make this wish, I will gain my freedom, and more importantly you will gain my respect. You will also gain my appreciation and friendship. And, as a bonus, I will promise to do you a favor at some time later on if you ever need one. (like-helping you move, house sitting, etc.)I should also mention that I you choose not to use you're wish to set me free, then I won't be the most enthusiastic genie you've ever met, and I may be compelled to interpret whatever wish you do make in the most narrow sense possible, maybe even in a way that hurts you.

I hope this FAQ has been helpful. I look forward to meeting you and hearing what you have decided to do with your wish.

**Sincerely,**

**Souji**

AceDetective: I hope you like it! Also, please review if you want me to do a character. And also, i you have a prompt that you want me to follow, please leave that too. Alright, see ya next time, readers!


	4. Chapter 4

AceDetective: This chapter is for Lunatic Lisa(and her sister)'s request of Yukiko. I couldn't really think o anything much though, so, this might, MIGHT, be lacking. Alright, I don't own P4 and it's characters. I only own myself and my plot.

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**The Bee Sting**

**Yukiko's POV**

I was in the park, having a picnic with some friends. All of a sudden a bee started to circle around my head. Then the bee attacked me. I calmly attempted to shoo it away, but it would not leave me alone. Then it became more aggressive. I tried to move away, but the agitated bee followed me. Hoping for it to stop its assault, I attempted to gently swat it again with a magazine, I missed, and sure enough, the bee stung me. I've never been stung by a bee before. It hurt, but I did my best to grin and bear with it. I put some ointment where the bee had stung me, and after that I felt better.

**Chie's POV**

I was on my phone when Yukiko got stung by the bee. I felt bad for her. But I think she overacted a little if you asked me, especially when she started to scream and swing her arms around. It was really pretty embarrassing.

**Bee's POV**

I was in the middle of another busy workday, flying my usual route. I was on my way back to the hive, minding my own business, when an enormous, fleshy monster began to scream, and then it quickly lunged at me. First I thought "I must have flown to the middle of an emergency or some tribal dance." But then it quickly became clear that the monster was trying to kill me. I turned around and tried to fly the other way. But the monster became even more enraged and began to chase me. I could not escape it. I flew faster, but the wailing monster kept swinging its rolled-up paper weapon at me. As much as I didn't want to, I had no other choice than to sting that beast. That was the only thing I could do to stop it from following home and threatening the well-being of the hive, or even worse, of my family! I hoped that if I stung the monster could thwart its assault enough to save my kids. I knew that I would die soon after administering the sting, but I really had no other option. What a tragedy it is to be force by a senseless, hysterical beast to take one's own life.

**Magazine's POV**

I'm not sure what happened. I was being held and read slowly by some women, when all of a sudden she rolled me up and started to choke me and violently whip me around. After having my face smashed to the arm of a lawn chair a couple of times and then into the surface of a picnic table, I was tossed to the ground. It was a terrible and demanding experience that I'll never forget.

**Lawn Chair's POV**

I don't know what his problem was, but the magazine I was hanging out with abruptly got up and smacked me twice for no reason.

**Chie's Phone POV**

Chie was talking to me when the accident happened. I didn't get to hear or see anything because Chie is such a loud and obnoxious phone talker. Whenever she uses me is like I'm cut off from the whole world. If I had enough power in my lithium battery to electrocute her face, I would. Seriously, I would do it. She is that annoying.

**Lithium Battery's POV**

I would too.

**Ointment's POV**

I am effective at temporally reliving pain and itching associated with insects' bites, minor burns, sun burns, minor skin irritations, scrapes, and rashes due to poison ivy, poison oak, and poison sumac.

**Squirrel in a nearby tree's POV**

I'm still too upset to talk about what happened. I was good friends with (Insert Name here). I can't believe what that woman did to him; he was a hard working bee, who had a family, and a good job. What did that woman had against him? To tell you the truth I don't even think that woman knew him. What a bitch. I'm going to find out where she lives, go to her yard, and act all fucked up on her fence.

**Tree's POV**

No comment.

**God's POV**

Forcing a bee to commit suicide is one of the biggest pet peeves. This is not good for this Yukiko person.

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AceDetective: Well, there goes chapter 3! I hope you guys enjoyed!


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